There are people who go to the sea to collect sun and sunsets. Others - to swim and rest. Others - to laze on the sand. Others - to party until they faint. However, there are also those who go to the sea with an important mission. Once they step on the seashore, they become mobile inspections for umbrellas and portions, weights and receipts. This is an endemic Bulgarian type of tourism, which we will conditionally call "inspection tourism". Enough with these pamperings and time-wasting cultural, balneo or ecotourism. Inspection tourism is the new fashion, because it combines a stay by the Bulgarian sea with important commitments to family and homeland. The state must create special conditions for the development of this type of tourism. In the meantime, here are some work tips for the average inspection tourist.
Even before the swimsuits are unpacked, the portion of horse mackerel must have been weighed by eye, the potatoes on the plate must have been counted to the number, and it must be immediately determined if the salad has two cubes of cheese less than last year. A lightning-fast report on social media follows: “I am furious“. The vacation switches completely to “inspection” mode. There is a strict procedure. You enter the first establishment you come across, regardless of whether it is within the budget of the inspecting tourist. You order, pay, and get started. You take a photo of the receipt - slightly askew, in poor light, and so that you cannot see either the name of the establishment, the address, or sometimes even what exactly was ordered. Then you publish it with a blatant accusation: “This is how they rip us off The concrete mill!!!!!” It is very important not to forget the five exclamation marks, because they fully convey the mockery and at the same time hint at a patriotic connection with that famous “People?????"
However, it is very important that the audience is left with the unshakable impression that the inspecting tourist had no other choice but to enter this establishment. It should sound as if they put a gun to your forehead, forcibly forced you to enter, order and pay. How could this not be a midday robbery?
The other peculiarity of the inspection procedure is usually its secrecy. Where on our sea? Secret. In which establishment? It doesn't matter. When was the note issued? Details. Is it even real? How dare you ask such questions when the tarator is nine euros. The note could be from a yacht port, a five-star hotel, a beach bar, a Sofia restaurant or printer in someone's living room. The moment it gets into the social network, it already becomes an indisputable and official document about the state of all Bulgarian tourism - from Rezovo to Durankulak. An expensive salad at the marina in Sozopol automatically proves that everywhere on the Black Sea coast, including in Ezerets and Krapets, price tyranny reigns and they tear ten skins from the poor poor people who have gone on a seaside vacation.
The next part of the procedure is the inevitable comparison with Greece. “And in Greece for this money…“ And descriptions begin that compare incomparable places and no longer existing prices and practices. There, the portions are huge, the octopus jumps on the plate itself, and the owner of the tavern personally hugs the Bulgarian tourist and gives him half of the establishment. In the end, he even apologizes that the moussaka is not free and offers to assign him one floor of the village house next year, because he respects him as a tourist. How can you not go to the Greeks, and ours only want money. The most important thing, to show everyone that they are ripping us off on our sea, is to compare the incomparable - the prices in a luxury complex on the first line of one of the huge sandy beaches in Bulgaria, with some family pub in a village on the third arm of Halkidiki or a coffee caravan on a semi-sandy beach among the fields. In no case should it be compared with the equivalent sea resorts in Greece. Just as we should pretend that the wild beaches in the villages north of Kavarna, where the prices are cheaper than in Halkidiki, do not exist. It should be compared like this: a five-star hotel with swimming pools, security, animation and a view of the sea in Bulgaria on one side of the equation, and on the other - four plastic tables under the vine, five cats and an owner in a tank top who simultaneously cooks, serves and fixes the air conditioner. When we do it like this, the conclusion screams: “In Bulgaria it is godless more expensive!“ Of course, one should never compare our high-class resorts and establishments by the sea with the Greek Mykonos, Santorini or the first-class hotels of Crete and Rhodes. For no other reason than because luxury in Greece also has the unpleasant habit of costing money. And much more money than in Bulgaria. One should not do the reverse inspection: how much does lunch cost in some quiet place by our sea, for example in Ezerets or in Shabla, far from the yachts, influencers and menus in three languages.
This year, the tarator became the emblem of the tourist “inspection“. Could it have been possible for some anonymous establishment to have a tarator for 9 euros? Anger, scolding at the “fucking state“ and other “Bulgarisms”. Well, why not? If there is someone to pay for it, it is even mandatory to have such establishments. But inspection tourists do not look for establishments with a price that satisfies them, but turn their vacation into an emergency, because exactly what they intended was so expensive.
In order for everything not to turn out so spontaneously, the state (who else?) must introduce order. Therefore, I propose that next year the state should pay special attention to inspection tourism. For example, a National Tarator Index should be introduced by ministerial decree, calculated using the formula: price of the bowl divided by the quantity, multiplied by the number of dill sprigs, minus the visible cucumber cubes, plus the distance to the beach. The Tarator Index values should be announced every morning along with the temperatures: “The weather on the Black Sea coast will be sunny, the sea - two points, and the Tarator in the Nessebar region has reached the critical 8.4 euros for 300 grams. The population is advised to remain calm, take a photo of the receipt and not indicate the establishment.“ Electronic boards can also be placed on the beaches: “air temperature: 29°C, water temperature: 25°C, average weight of the meatball: 73 g, danger of overpriced sprat: orange code“. Armed with this official information, inspection tourists will be able to walk around with a kitchen scale, calipers and calculator to make a comparative analysis of the tarator, the size of the tomatoes and the weight of all the portions within a radius of five kilometers. Imagine the view: the sea is roaring, the seagulls are circling, the sun is sinking behind the horizon. But no one will notice it. Everyone is waiting for the receipt.
Joking aside. Of course, on the Bulgarian Black Sea coast, as everywhere in the world, there are shoddy establishments, impudent traders, ridiculous prices and outrageous service that do not deserve even half of what is asked. Why do you visit them if they outrage you so much? There are enough others. But the truth is that for years now, at the beginning of each summer season, social networks in our homeland have been filled with the same type and for the most part false statements, signals, cries and “consumer“ concern about the Bulgarian Black Sea coast and especially - for the resorts along it. There was fuel oil everywhere, the enemies were raising prices at hotels, restaurants and beach bars, now the sprat, now the tarator is expensive. In general - horror and madness. It is said that the basis of the whirlwind of these negative campaigns was the clever foreign competition from the neighboring Greeks and Turks, who have well assessed the mentality of the mass Bulgarian, who is easily caught on such fishing rods and then repeats them to the grave. It is enough to let it into the net and they "bite" en masse. Well, try letting such partners in with the neighbors, see with what contempt they will kick you out. But such are the peculiarities of the national character.
Isn't it time to see how nice and well-groomed all the resorts and settlements along our sea have become in recent years? Well-developed, with enough bed capacity, with gardens and parks, coastal promenades. Everywhere, without exception. The sea is cleaner than ever, thanks to the treatment plants built with EU funds. There is everything for every budget. And let's behave like Greeks - let's brag about our sea, because it is the Bulgarian sea.