Self-esteem is rarely seen in grand declarations. It is more often seen in ordinary situations – when a person refuses a task that they cannot undertake, does not humiliate themselves because of a mistake and finds time to sleep, exercise or talk to a loved one. Psychologists distinguish healthy self-esteem from a sense of superiority: it is about a realistic assessment of one's own worth, which does not depend entirely on the approval of others.
A meta-analysis of 76 studies with 35,537 participants links self-esteem and self-compassion with better mental well-being. The authors emphasize that the two concepts are close, but not the same – Self-esteem answers the question of how we value ourselves, and self-compassion describes our attitude towards ourselves when we fail or suffer.
1. They speak to themselves without humiliation
People with healthy self-esteem do not ignore their mistakes, but they avoid extreme definitions such as “useless“ or “failure“. Instead, they describe the specific problem and look for the next possible step. The UK's National Health Service recommends that negative beliefs be written down and checked with real evidence that supports or refutes them.
2. They set clear personal boundaries
Saying “no“ to an additional commitment, conversation or behavior that hurts you is not a manifestation of selfishness. It is a way of managing time, energy and relationships. A healthy boundary should be specific – for example, stating what you won’t accept and what you’ll do if it happens again.
3. Don’t neglect your basic needs
Sleep, exercise, and regular meals aren’t rewards that need to be earned. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that most adults need at least seven hours of sleep a night. Regular physical activity has also been linked to benefits for mood and self-esteem.
4. Maintain respectful relationships
Self-respect doesn’t mean doing everything alone. Supportive relationships provide a sense of belonging and are linked to less stress, better sleep, and better overall health. “Small acts of connection can make a difference,” says the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This can be a short conversation, checking in on a loved one, or seeking help in a timely manner.
5. Set achievable goals
People with healthy self-esteem don't measure their worth solely by the outcome, but they do set clear goals. Small, realistic tasks make progress visible – a completed text, a walk, a learned skill, or a long-postponed conversation. That way, confidence is based on concrete experience, not just motivational phrases.
6. Make room for rest and pleasure
Rest is not inactivity, but part of recovery. Time for music, a book, a walk, or meeting a friend shouldn't be immediately filled with a new task. According to the American Psychological Association, sustainable self-care is built through small, positive actions incorporated into daily life, rather than through rare and extreme changes.
7. Seek help when the difficulty persists
Self-esteem also includes acknowledging one's own limits. If low self-esteem, strong self-criticism, or anxiety persist and interfere with daily life, talking to a psychologist or other qualified professional is a wise step. Research on compassion-based therapies reports a possible positive effect on self-esteem, but the authors emphasize that the 10 included publications vary considerably in methods and quality.
These habits do not make a person permanently confident or calm. They provide a more solid foundation for the moments when doubt, fatigue, or disappointment inevitably arise.
Sources: pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, nhs.uk, cdc.gov