On stage, Pyotr Tchaikovsky looked like a man who had command of every sound. When he stood in front of the orchestra himself, however, he was haunted by an unusual fear – that his head might fall off. In his early attempts at conducting, he would sometimes hold his chin with his left hand while waving the baton with his right. This strange posture was not a theatrical gesture, but an attempt to control his anxiety.
Tchaikovsky began composing music as early as the age of 4, but his family did not prepare him for a career as a composer. At the age of 10, he was sent to the Imperial School of Jurisprudence in St. Petersburg, and later worked at the Ministry of Justice. It was only in 1862 that he enrolled at the newly established St. Petersburg Conservatory. Four years earlier, his mother had died of cholera – a loss that left a deep mark on his life.
Clockwork Walks and a Fear of Misfortune
The composer had an almost ritualistic attitude toward his daily walks. After lunch, he would go out alone for two or more hours and believed that if he returned even a little early, misfortune might befall him. During these walks, musical ideas would take shape in his mind. Tchaikovsky himself wrote that “the seed of a future work” appeared suddenly and began to grow with great force when he was in the mood to work. Since he did not fully trust his musical memory, he carried a notebook.
This need for order went hand in hand with painful self-doubt. His First Piano Concerto was met with devastating criticism from Nikolai Rubinstein. The pianist called it unplayable and worthless. Tchaikovsky did not alter the work according to his demands and dedicated it to Hans von Bülow, who gave its first performance in Boston in 1875. Today, the concerto is among the most popular works in the classical repertoire.
Works the Composer Did Not Like
One of his best-known compositions was not among his favorites either. Regarding the “1812 Overture,” Tchaikovsky wrote to Nadezhda von Meck that it was “very loud and noisy” and probably had little artistic value. The paradox is that this very work later became one of the symbols of his music.
Tchaikovsky was also capable of making radical decisions concerning his own works. After the performance of his first opera, “The Voyevoda,” he destroyed the score. Some of the musical material, however, reappeared in later works.
For “The Nutcracker,” the composer kept a special secret. He used the celesta – an instrument with a clear, bell-like sound – for the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy and asked his publisher not to reveal the innovation because he feared that Rimsky-Korsakov and Glazunov would use it before he did.
A Marriage Lasting Several Weeks and a Death with an Unclear Ending
Tchaikovsky’s personal life was also marked by decisions that seem inexplicable from today’s perspective. In 1877, he married Antonina Milyukova, but the marriage broke down almost immediately. The two separated after several weeks and never divorced. During the same period, Tchaikovsky experienced a severe nervous breakdown.
Nadezhda von Meck was his financial and emotional support for many years. She provided him with an annual allowance, and the two corresponded intensely, while maintaining an agreement not to meet officially. It was in these letters that the composer revealed many of his fears, habits and doubts.
Tchaikovsky died on November 6, 1893, in St. Petersburg, just nine days after the premiere of his Sixth Symphony, “Pathétique.” The official cause was cholera. Later, theories emerged that his death may have been a suicide, but they have not been proven. Thus, what remains surrounding the composer is not only his music, but also one of the most unusual biographies in the history of classical music.
Sources: theguardian.com, classical-music.com, independent.co.uk