A leaked report by a pioneering group of Martian sociologists, who monitored the media in the country, gives the following picture of Bulgaria over the past week. Satirically by Daniel Smilov:
A leaked report by a pioneering group of Martian sociologists, who monitored the media in the country, gives the following picture of Bulgaria over the past week.
"Bugonia" in the Balkans
"The country finally calmed down after Boyko Borisov wisely erupted in undirected anger. Paradoxically, everything fell into place:
Delyan Peevski and the New Beginning declared unreserved, full-mandate devotion to the government without any position or benefit in return.
ITN prevented the New Beginning from entering the coalition and fulfilled its promise to leave it when it felt Peevski stirring in it.
The Bulgarian Socialist Party maintained its dignity by winning social budget policies at the expense of Kiselova's presidency.
GERB deservedly received the presidency of the National Assembly and restored the convention that it should go to the largest party, albeit on a rotational basis.
Yordan Tsonev and Vladi Goranov worked on a miraculous budget that will both preserve social spending and satisfy the starving party clientele with tricks that only Simeon Djankov and the PP-DB do not want to understand.
As a result, it is expected that social peace, and a 3% deficit despite Asen Vassilev's budget policy, which is generally maintained, but is additionally burdened with large client costs through the Development Bank and other feeders.
Sarafov remains a legitimate acting prosecutor general, although he is frankly illegal in the opinion of the Supreme Court of Cassation.
The cases of Petyo Euro and the Notary are being worked on, but they are not getting anywhere. And both brokers are no longer there - one physically, the other perhaps only geographically. But this is in the area of the independent judiciary.
Blagomir Kotsev and other opposition figures are in prison without reason, and the rest of the opposition are facing charges, but this is also a problem of the independent judiciary.
Those who doubt and criticize the lack of independence of the judiciary are most to blame for its political dependence and unreformation.
Those who are most to blame for the disproportionate role of Delyan Peevski and Novo nachod in government are those who talk about it. They are the root cause of his rise.
The vote buying in Pazardzhik has no connection with Peevski's victory, but was staged by Boyko Rashkov, who shook hands with a vote buyer in front of a cauldron for boiling lyutenitsa.
In GERB, there are not about 20 deputies directly subordinate to Delyan Peevski, and Ms. Raya is Nazaryan, not Nadelyan. The same applies to Temenuzhka Petkova.
GERB has not been eaten or torn apart on the periphery, and the individual incidents with local structures, pragmatically moving towards New Beginning, are isolated cases.
Boyko Borisov did not speak to Donald Trump's son about Delyan Peevski, but only about Vladi Goranov.
Denyo Denev is not Delyan Peevski's man, because GERB proposed him (just as Kalin Stoyanov had proposed before).
Bulgaria is firmly in the penultimate place in the rule of law in the EU, convincingly surpassing fraternal Hungary.
The prosecutor who prepared and wanted to file the indictment for the stolen millions in bags for the Hemus highway made a mistake and the indictment was correctly withdrawn by other prosecutors specially dispatched.
The gold of Zlatanov went to Ivan Geshev and an unknown specialized prosecutor Mitko. Not a speck of the precious metal went to Borislav Sarafov or to anyone from the current leadership of the prosecutor's office.
"Botash" is a very unprofitable contract for the country, which could have been very profitable, but it is not. And it does not represent a triple deal between Bulgaria-Turkey-Russia, which guarantees gas quantities and profits for the Russian side even with direct sanctions against it.
Bulgaria will not enter into "Neftochim" Burgas through a special manager, because "Lukoil" announced that they would sell their assets to a person of Vladimir Putin.
The assassination attempt against Geshev, the "Bozhkov" scandals, drawers, houses in Barcelona... What scandals? There are none.
"The acting party leader", to whom Vasil Bozhkov bribed (according to the motives of the "Magnitsky" sanctions against him), remains unknown and untraceable, just like prosecutor Mitko."
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A sinister plan for planetary takeover
However, the truth is completely different. The truth is that Martian sociologists and other premeditated and transformed galactic invaders have actually infiltrated the Bulgarian media and are flooding them from morning to night with similar information. This is part of a sinister plan for planetary takeover. In his film "Bugonia" Yorgos Lanthimos brilliantly exposed these plots of the aliens, who are already occupying key public and private positions with the aim of enslaving and destroying humanity. It is alleged that in the first versions Lanthimos experimented with the title "Bulgaria", but settled on "Bugonia" so that humanity would not be left with the impression that the problem is only Balkan.
This satirical commentary expresses the personal opinion of the author and may not coincide with the positions of the Bulgarian editorial office and DV as a whole.